Still Born

angel baby

Its been just over a year now since I lost my little boy. I was 24 weeks pregnant and started going into labour and 8 hours later my tiny little boy was born, still born. My heart was completly broken and will forever be. I was told I could take him home for 24 hours to get some time with him but I couldnt do it and all I can think about now is what if I did, would this of been good for me to help me deal with it.

I have just recently found out I am 10 weeks pregnant with TWINS. As grateful as I am to have this miracle of carrying twins I feel guilty like I am trying to replace my precious baby boy. This should be a wonderful time for me and my partner now but all I feel is guilt, is this normal? 

7 thoughts on “Still Born

  1. Anonymous says:

    I haven’t been through anything like what you have but didnt want to read and leave! I’m so sorry that you lost your little boy, no words will help.
    Being blessed with twins…how amazing!

    • Anonymous says:

      So sorry for your loss but also higher congratulations on your baby twins. You should follow Rachelle Swannie on Instagram/ Rachelle and a Justin on YouTube. They had a still born baby and have just had twins and she has a lot of videos about how she felt etc x

  2. Anonymous says:

    My boy was still born 2015 at 36 weeks pregnant. We stayed with him for 23 hours, my husband was so angry we didn’t have a full day with him but I was hurting so much. And still 5 years later I regret it.

    But I have learnt not to punish myself. At the time I had to do what was right for me.

    I now have 2 children since then, and even tried for my rainbow literally as soon as I could. I hoped it would give me reason to continue on. And like you the began to feel the guilt of replacement.

    Baby boy will NEVER be replaced, he will forever be their big brother. Don’t feel guilty just Cherise every moment. The days the twins hit milestones baby boy didn’t are going to hurt, but you will also smile.

    Stay strong Mama you’ve got this

    With Love x

  3. Anonymous says:

    Hello lovely mama, and first of all a gentle congratulations to you.
    I lost my son Shayen at full term back in 2017. Just under a year later I was pregnant again, and I think all of the feelings you describe are completely normal… well they were in my case!
    Pregnancy after loss is hard. For me, I found it was a huge mix of emotions for the whole time. I wanted to run away for 9 months and come back when it was all over.
    Guilt has been a big factor. Even after I had my daughter (alive and well), every milestone I’ve spent with her. Every precious moment with her… theres been a tug of guilt on my heart. I’ve slowly found that it’s more sadness than guilt – sadness that I couldn’t spend those precious moments with my son.
    Do what you need to to get through this. I found meditation, breathing exercises, walking… all helped calm my very crazy mind during that time. Oh and talking to others who had been through it..
    With that being said, if you need to talk at any point, please do reach out. I’m here, as I’m sure are so many others.
    Love and light to you ❤️

  4. Anonymous says:

    This is heartbreakig! Im so sorry you had to go through this, its a mothers worst nightmare. You are so strong even being able to tell yorlur story. I havent been through a stillbirth but I havehad multiple miscarriages and this broke me, I felt like I couldnt even get up in the morning but time it heals everyhing. You have twins on the way that such an amazing miracle, your little boy will be watching over them forever and he will also be very proud of his mummy for getting through this!

  5. Anonymous says:

    my heart hurts for you, im so sorry you had to go through this living nightmare, as a mother this truly is the biggest fear. one of my close friends had a baby that died two days after being born and she was in a very dark place for awhile, she said her arms felt lost, as though she needed to be rocking something constantly. She slept with the moses basket in her room for a couple of weeks to try and come to terms with things. She had councelling and as time went on she did manage to smile again and see the light and concieved again whilst never forgetting her precious baby she lost. I know all feels lost right now and you can’t see how it will ever be ok again but I promise you will get through this, your baby will always hold a special place in your heart and will forever be a part of your family. sending you lots of love and healing <3

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