News
Mother in-laws or monster in-laws?
Mar
Hi there. To all mummies out there I’m sure you were all made aware that times would be hard with a new baby and could get stressful, but were you ever warned that In fact it’s not the baby that stresses you out it’s the blooming in-laws!
These people you barely see and don’t bother their bum then suddenly you’re carrying their grandchild (they think it’s their own child) and suddenly you can’t get a break.
Soon as baby is here they always want to be around yet before you were allowed to visit once a month and not be questioned about it. Now your constantly having to work around them. Always have to make sure they get their day or three a week with their grandchild or you are the worst person in the world for not making time.
Yes we know you love your grandchild but honest to god are they going to change that much in a weeks time? Are they going to forget you? And it doesn’t help when their hopeless son totally hangs on their apron strings and is on your back if you even dare mention anything about them.
Maybe it’s just my experience but the hardest part of having a baby is the people around not the actual baby itself. Yes it’s good to have help around but only if you actually want or need it. Having needy controlling people around however is the complete opposite of helpful!
heyy, i totally get you on this. my husband wouldn’t say boo to a goose when it comes to his parents, he absolutely adores them. Yes that’s great and i think it’s lovely that they have that relationship and would hope to have the same with my children when they’re older too…BUT yes there needs to be boundaries.
Have you tried talking to your partner explaining that you’re not against them seeing their grandchild at all but its just a bit too much every single week. I’m sure your partner will come round eventually its just trying to get him to see that you’re his #1 family and priority and boundaries need to be respected. It might be a bit scary at first to confront the in-laws but trust me they will soon respect your wishes if it means seeing the kids at all. Good luck i hope it gets sorted for you xxxx
ugh i had the same situation with the in-laws on my partners side. a lot of it was jealousy of how close i am with my mum and how she helps me out with the baby. But she is my mum and i think they have a tough time seeing how i would be closer and feel more comfortable having my mum around to help me. Getting the balance is hard but ive learned to not give a shit now, and just remember that my baby and my own happiness comes first, fuck trying to please everyone else. x
Its so reassuring to hear this that im not the only person who has this problem. My in laws were so pushy and told me exactly how to look after my baby, To the point where it was ” you cant bath him every night its going to make him ill” . I dealt with this for the first 6 months of my baby’s life , i just wish i had spoken up sooner. I told my hubby exactly how i felt and i couldn’t deal with it anymore and he spoke to them and told them to back off basically ( in a nice way ). Try and speak up either directly to them or to your partner they will be so scared of loosing their grandchildren they will back off. Also a lot of people dont really know how pushy they are being , they believe they are trying to help so talking to them about this will make them realize how they are making you feel. I really hope this gets sorted for you, stand your ground and you wont regret it!
My in laws don’t contact or show any caring at all all year until Christmas and then they whinge and moan until my husband feels guilty and so at a time of year when time is precious and you want to spend time with those important to you and we have to accommodate them. It also annoys me that they splash all over Facebook what good grandparents they are and how much they love their grandson when they have nothing to do with him. My sister in law keeps asking to take him out on her own but won’t do anything with us – he’s 3 so no, you can’t have him on your own and the only times he’s seen you have traumatized him enough that he always says no and we don’t ever talk about you at home so it’s not like we are setting a prejudice – I’d love for him to have a relationship with his family but I’m not bending over backwards to accommodate when it’s not reciprocated and we are constantly let down last minute.
I know this exact feeling my sister in law lives far away from us but every now and again she trys to video us maybe once every 3 months but other than that we have no contact, but when she comes home wants to take my 3 year old out on his own i mean he doesn’t even know who she is. I think speaking to your sister in law like i did is a good way just explain you want your son to feel comfortable to go out alone with her so first maybe if we do a few trips together and then she can take him out alone for the day. And as for the in-laws they are the ones missing out on their grandson, maybe try and talk to your husband to see if he can say something to them in a way where no feelings will be hurt, maybe they just dont realise and will start making a bit more effort.
This caption and picture just had me in stitches just because this is exactly how i feel about my in-laws well we are not even married yet but i call them my in -laws. They think they know everything since i have had a baby but before they only bothered with us once a year! In Laws will be in laws and im pretty sure there job is to make us feel like crap haha. My friend has amazing in laws who are always helping her out telling her how much of a good mum she is , so there are some decent ones out there but not many!
Don’t know if this is allowed cos I am a granny. My daughter just had a baby and her mother in law is like a bear with a cub! My daughters husband told her she couldn’t have me at the birth unless his mother was there. It was an emergency section in the end so neither of us were there. The baby is a week old and although I’m her mum and she wants me to be there , her husband insists that his mum is given equal time. His mum is pushy and kicks off when she doesn’t get her own way , whereas I’m all for avoiding conflict and while I want to help I m mindful of intruding on their new little family(I’m not perfect by a long way believe me). The other gran had already prepared a nursery for the little one and though I get that she is excited at being a grandmother my daughter feels under pressure and nervous about having to deal with all this. I want to be there for my daughter but unable to be because she is afraid of causing upset with her hubby and his mum
I am in the exact same situation with my daughter, she now has two children to her hubby but again her in laws are always there but not in a good way and I know this really effects her but there is not much I can do I feel hopeless. She always has to lie to them when we have them overnight because she knows they will be jealous that we have the children and not them. A daughter is always closer to her own parents especially when she has children. I feel like they are the kids in this situation, my daughter should not have to hide the fact that the children our with their grandparents I think this is appalling. Her hubby is a great dad and even a great husband but he still thinks his parents have the same right as her parents they are all stuck in that way a little bit. Does anyone have any advice on ways around this.